Poem: Maybe

This is a poem I wrote on my birthday. My heart was so fragile at that time. I first named it birthday cake but later it was entitled Maybe.

I have spent so much of my time dissecting myself. Why am I not worthy? Why don't things work out for me? I have had many low lows in my life and many highs, but the striking things is that I was so worried about the next valley that I could not enjoy the view from the mountain top. When you place your focus on the low, whether your focus is preparation or prevention, then the low much come. Even if you are presented with beauty all you will see is ash. In recent years I have begun shifting my focus and embracing my worthiness. This poem no longer represents how I feel about myself but the snapshot it presents is no less relevant. It shows me how much I have grown and gives me the impetus to embrace the wounded and desolate parts of me that are still healing, to love on myself, to speak life into that broken hearted woman and say "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you."

“Maybe”

Maybe I'm not meant for love

Maybe I'm built for pain

Maybe I'm refuse and refuge

Is knowing I'm waiting in vain

Maybe I'm nobody's treasure

Maybe I'm nobody's special

Maybe I'm good mistaken for garbage

over and over again

Maybe I'll stop being soft hearted

Maybe I'll stop being kind

Maybe I'll stop being honest

Maybe I'll start telling lies

Maybe I'll stop listening to friends

Telling me one day I'll win

When in reality nobody wants me

so I lose again and again

Maybe I'm finished with trying

And broken beyond repair

Maybe I've had enough of hope

Maybe it's time for despair